Jun 18, 2014 · Sounds like you work in a place where people take themselves/their work waaaaay too seriously. For anecdata – of the people in my year group for my PhD, most of them were dating/married to people in a variety of non-academic professions. I don’t think anyone was dating within the …Estimated Reading Time: 8 mins
Academic Singles – smart dating for smart people. Launched in 2005, Academic Singles matchmaking website and the Academic Singles app have established themselves as a popular choice for educated singles. Its target audience comprises people for whom intellectual ability and educational achievement are desirable qualities in a date.Estimated Reading Time: 9 mins
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I had a lot of difficulty getting my advisor to acknowledge that I had a life outside of grad school that was important and worthy of my time. I empathise so hard with LW. Would quotes help? I was not completely inexperienced in academic and professional situations nor in romantic relationships, but BOY did I have a lot to learn, and do I still! Good luck. Stomp on that sexist and classist nonsense. It is sexist, a totally gendered issue. But, and this is important, I am so glad that you made the right choice for you and that you are happy. Your friends, however, need to back the hell off. If I followed this suggestion, would I be happier? They could thrive in their careers partly because they had wives, who maybe worked outside the home at some job, but who poured a ton time and energy into supporting them while they did their intense manly intellectual work. Thing is, that was almost entirely me projecting on him and not understanding him and valuing him for who he was. There is no online facility through which to cancel your subscription. Alternatives to Academic Singles. Academic Singles operates in several different countries, with around Your field will not actually care much about your partner, because it will be hiring you and working with you and dealing with you, not him. Sure, fine. Academics bond over how they should be working so much more!! Two anecdata…. You are allowed to spend time caving and gaming and whatever else, and you are no less a scientist because of it. Once you enter the wider world of academia, there are a ton of people who are not judgy pants! Our in-depth Academic Singles review puts it under the microscope. Is it going to turn me into a lesser scientist? I reccommend freelancing. When I was in grad school, I was warned by my adviser not to choose my future husband in Germany over an academic career in the U. My dad ended up commuting hours and they went days without seeing each other until my mom finished residency in the big city and could move into the small city where my dad had gotten his job. They will be jerks, the people who already work with them will know they are jerks about these things, and probably the jerks will not be hiring you. The ones who had parties where I could talk about NOT grad school. They spend date nights writing new theorems; I spend date nights playing Starcraft. This thought process is helped a lot by there being a lot of viable job options for people who decide to leave my field. He tries to be socially aware, but is sometimes still naive about structural oppression in his own life and our shared one. This is such an excellent letter and an amazing series of comments. I just finished grad school, and while he lives with me now, his health is still super-shaky. When talking with my sister early on, she said that one possible reason he might be dating me was because he liked the idea of dating someone with a snooty degree, training for another snooty degree, related to feelings of inadequacy or status that, as it turns out, were probably part of the story for him. That was the majority of my postdoc. In answer to your questions: 1. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, as they say. These are pretty much unrelated to whether or not your partner has a PhD, but they are definitely still gendered, with a couple of issues seeming to occur much more frequently and intensely for female academics who date men than for male academics who date women:. Education is just education. This is not the fault of the women, but the fault of a system which penalizes women for being mothers. Membership to Academic Singles can only be cancelled by written letter or by sending a message via fax. I am dead. I also want to second the point that your peers snubbing your boyfriend for not being in a PhD program is classist, elitist BS. I should have gotten internships at better companies. Prestige is the mind killer! Which is more training and more access to academic resources. There are three payment plans to choose from:. Are my fears as unfounded as I hope? Put it to yourself like that, and it just sounds daft. Publishing this was probably a good call from our gracious hostess. Meanwhile, his brother barely graduated from high school and is married to a college professor with a PhD. Once, during a massive crunch in which I was attempting to write 70 pages of a thesis in a weekend to meet a deadline I had told my advisor was impossible, I had the good fortune to eat a listeria melon and end up in the hospital.
I have been dating an awesome guy for a little over a year now. He is extremely intelligent and genuinely interested in my research work, and I like hearing wild stories from the club he works at. And besides, we have a lot of shared interests, like programming, caving, and gaming, where we are at similar levels of accomplishment and feel like we can challenge each other. When I first met Boyfriend, my out-of-town friends told me I needed to be aiming higher. They spend date nights writing new theorems; I spend date nights playing Starcraft. I already have a lot of anxiety about my career. Is it going to turn me into a lesser scientist? Am I wasting time? Are my priorities all out of whack? Do you or your readers have experience dating with education discrepancies? Are my fears as unfounded as I hope? What can I say if people get all judgy about his choice of career? I really debated whether to publish your letter. You asked for anecdata, so here is some. I have a terminal degree, my boyfriend has some college but not a degree. It affects my career not at all and us socially not at all. My mom has an advanced degree, my dad has a certificate from a technical college. It affected them not at all. I can think of zero relationships among my peers where having a degree vs. There can be a lot of expense, discontent, jealousy, immigration issues, loss of career momentum, and other giant, real hassles in dual-career relationships. Your judgy out-of-town friends need to, pardon my French, fuck the hell off on this topic. Out loud? What the hell is wrong with you? Your peers, at these nightmare hellscape parties where apparently people can only trumpet their stellar accomplishments, would probably describe themselves as very informed , logical , and open-minded people. Why then are they so ignorant about and dismissive of any life path that is not the exact same as theirs? But, while there are certainly supportive mentors and institutions, you have to realize that for the most part the world of elite scholarship does not care about your happiness. It does not care about your health. It cares about your usefulness and your results. It cares about your productivity. It cares about finding the smallest amount of money and support that you will settle for. Sometimes it will give you asshole old man advice about how you should live your life and conform to its expectations. You need someone who loves you, for you, who roots for your success, who supports you emotionally when the going gets tough, who excites and challenges you, who would care about you even if you failed at science. And if you are thinking long-term, you need someone who could potentially move when you get that dream appointment someday. They could thrive in their careers partly because they had wives, who maybe worked outside the home at some job, but who poured a ton time and energy into supporting them while they did their intense manly intellectual work. At all. The ones who bought me dinner and groceries when my financial aid took 14 weeks of a week semester to come through. The ones who helped out on all my film sets, lent me their houses and cars as locations. The ones who had parties where I could talk about NOT grad school. Sometimes what you need from your day is not to discuss the finer points of research methods or the three-act-structure one more time, but to talk with people who have completely different stuff going on than you do. Or to get good and righteously gloriously thoroughly laid. Grad school is not there for you on this. Prestige is especially dangerous to the ambitious. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, the way to do it is to bait the hook with prestige. It might be a good rule simply to avoid any prestigious task. In your defense, the orthodoxy that graduate school is the One True Way To Demonstrate Worth is being indoctrinated quite deliberately within the subculture you are in. Graduate school can operate a lot like a reality dating show, in that it thrives on Stockholm Syndrome, and you actually have to fight to keep your own sense of what is important amid the absurdity. Reality dating shows isolate their contestants, moving them away from everyone they love and imprisoning them in a big house with only other contestants.
Do I regret that? Most members are Taiwanese, followed by the French in second place. There is no exterior person who gets to decide on the value of my life choices. I am poly, and I have stood every. I recently completed a doctoral degree! Good luck LW, and lots of jedi hugs! I think it would happen way more if the contestants lived at home with their dogs or cats and saw their actual real-life friends once in a while. He freelanced after undergrad in the industry but was barely scraping by, and was burning through his inheritance at an incredible rate. While not doing his undergrad studies he discovered the entertainments industry and started working behind the scenes at gigs. Class issues might come up, but not education so much. I definitely have some empathy for your situation, LW, but from the other end. Speaking as someone who struggles with anxiety, I have to say that a partner who will respond in such a practical, supportive, ego-free way to it is worth their weight in gold. And is it vaguely reasonable that I could arrange to be doing that thing? Having a good support network to teach you to ignore this bs is important. My grades in law school shot up when I started dating my current boyfriend and making more time for a social life. I really, really feel the need to comment here with this amazing love-letter-of-sorts about not doing PhDs a career academic scientist wrote for me when I was applying. I am not in a position to buy a house. In answer to your questions: 1. Would quotes help? This is impossible for many who do not have family support. Wait until you submit your dissertation. When I was in grad school, I was warned by my adviser not to choose my future husband in Germany over an academic career in the U. Thus the system attempts to ensure that you need to come from a leisured class in order to participate. We need seriously radical change in parental leave policies to overcome the status quo and allow families to pick what is right for them and making sure that children have access to good childcare whether provided inside or outside the home, by professionals or family. The scientific matching system relies on complete honesty to find you a compatible match. Take all my work. But in a Ph. This is not the fault of the women, but the fault of a system which penalizes women for being mothers. Is this comment about something related to my work? At all. I moved here for my postdoc and married him a year later. Grad school is not there for you on this. I think if you want less negative feedback about what is otherwise an amazing relationship, you need to focus on trying to embody the confidence of that relationship, and airing your fears more selectively. What the hell is wrong with you? Where is the evidence for their point of view? Meanwhile I had a shiny new degree, a pile of student loans, and no job to pay them off with. My partner is incredibly smart and fascinated by all kinds of subjects. If you are not in that boat, I hope you can find a committee member or other mentor who is more supportive to help keep you on the track you actually want to be on. Even with that attitude, even with my bitterness, even with my unstable mental state, I still get to decide what I want. I know nothing about your goals, desires, finances, health or family situation. In most cases, it was the woman in heterosexual couples who ended up caving and dropping out of academia or taking positions at significantly less prestigious institutions to be with their husband, not the other way around. Maybe she is projecting because she got a better degree than my dad did albeit in her forties? He is extremely intelligent and genuinely interested in my research work, and I like hearing wild stories from the club he works at. It was then that I realized, even though I love learning, and my field, I detest being in school. It affects my career not at all and us socially not at all. This thought process is helped a lot by there being a lot of viable job options for people who decide to leave my field. Out loud? Thanks for the sympathy! First, in an imaginary world in which all things are equal, the Captain is totally right.
Launched in , Academic Singles matchmaking website and the Academic Singles app have established themselves as a popular choice for educated singles. Its target audience comprises people for whom intellectual ability and educational achievement are desirable qualities in a date. The site uses a scientific matching system to help people of similar academic and intellectual levels find each other. However, unusually, the ratio of male and female users is fairly equal. With almost , intellectuals and academics already subscribed and plenty of new sign-ups each day, Academic Singles is one of the most popular dating sites for educated singles. However, do you need a doctorate to use it? Our in-depth Academic Singles review puts it under the microscope. If you are interested in more, be sure to check out our ranking table for the best professional dating sites! While the questionnaire does ask about your educational and professional achievements, the majority of the questions are used to assess your personality type and that of your ideal match. In addition to the personality test, the site gives you the opportunity to choose a pre-written question, which will be sent to your matches. Unlike many sites of this kind, both the Academic Singles matchmaking website and the Academic Singles app offer some good free services. Registering for Academic Singles is free, as is the personality test which all members, paying or not, take part in. Paying to join the ranks of intellectuals and academics who are members of Academic Singles gives you access to a range of further services. These include:. There are three payment plans to choose from:. This is because the focus of the site is to get users to engage with each other, rather than to make money from online fripperies. The same goes for both the Classic and Committed membership packages. Using the free services is a good starter, but a paid membership is the only real option if you want to take a serious step towards finding a match. Academic Singles makes no bones about the fact that it caters solely for educated singles looking for a match of similar intellectual abilities. Typically, members are between 35 and Most users have achieved a good standard of education and most are looking for intellectual, as well as physical, matches. Academic Singles operates in several different countries, with around Most members are Taiwanese, followed by the French in second place. Time needed: 8 minutes. Because Academic Singles aims itself at educated singles, the registration process is much lengthier than you might expect from other dating sites. Leave at least a quarter of an hour for the questionnaire. However, the registration process can be broken down into five easy steps:. Add your email address and either choose your own password or use the one suggested by the site. The scientific matching system relies on complete honesty to find you a compatible match. While the mainstay might be intellectuals and academics, even the biggest brains can struggle with technology. The layout is clear, clean and simple, with everything you need to navigate your way around, right in front of you. Similarly, the Academic Singles app is minimalistic, giving you an equally easy online experience. To more tech-savvy users, it might appear a bit basic, but it still does exactly what it says on the tin. Sending messages is free for women, while men must pay for the service. This is to encourage online safety and prevent women from being stalked or harassed. Membership to Academic Singles can only be cancelled by written letter or by sending a message via fax. There is no online facility through which to cancel your subscription. Academic Singles is a matchmaking website for educated singles. Most of the users are intellectuals and academics aged between 35 and What sets this site apart from other more traditional dating sites is its use of an extensive questionnaire designed to ensure that you are matched with compatible personality types. You can set other parameters, such as how far you are prepared to travel for a date, from your profile page. You can contact Academic Singles at: customerservice academicsingles. Website: www. Academic Singles — smart dating for smart people. Alternatives to Academic Singles. Sign up Add your email address and either choose your own password or use the one suggested by the site. How to cancel Academic Singles membership? What is Academic Singles? How to contact Academic Singles? Elite Singles Review.